That look she just gave you? It’s because she doesn’t agree with how you parenting your child.
(Why the hell didn’t you clean the bathroom? What have you been DOING all day?)
ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER
(Really? You’re feeding him bananas again? Haven’t you ever heard of variety? Why do I buy variety, if you don’t give it to him?)
Do more. Take on more. People will like you better. They will think you are incredible.
Useless. Hopeless. Worthless.
Don’t ADMIT that you feel terrible. They think you are supermom…you have to live up to that.
(If one more person talks out of turn I might just start banging my head on the wall just to feel something other than this frustration).
Nobody believes your act. You better step up your game. Get it all done. You’re falling behind.
(I can’t do it all. What if someone finds out? What will they think?)
They will hate you. They probably already do.
(I have no bond with my child. I hate my husband. I hate my mother. I hate everyone. But most of all? I hate myself.)
They hate you too. You are useless.
(He is crying…AGAIN. And I don’t know why. Why can’t I be a good mother?)
Because you weren’t supposed to be a mother. Nature didn’t want you to be. Why do you think you had miscarriages that DRUGS had to fix? Why do you think you needed a C-section because your body was too narrow to birth? You’re not SUPPOSED TO BE A MOTHER!!!
Self-hate. Self-loathing. Self-destruction.
(I need help. From myself).
You need help. From yourself. But no one can help you. You are worthless.