acting like children

I knew it would happen.  I did.  I knew I couldn’t live in the same smallish city with him and NEVER run into him.

So I knew it was inevitable.

But not mandatory.

And after almost seven and a half years of it NOT happening?  Well, let’s just say I wasn’t expecting it outside of Joann’s Fabrics.

I had gone over hundreds…no MILLIONS of times in my head what it would be like.  Who doesn’t do that?

Of course I was reasonable with my visions.

I would be looking perfect.  Great hair, a nice skirt and sweater, cute boots. It would probably be in the grocery store after work.  I would have my cute purse on my arm and my phone in my hand.  And I would be about 40 pounds lighter.

Shut up, it’s my vision.

Ok, so the outfit changed in my mind somehow, but even if he caught me in yoga pants, I would be ROCKING those yoga pants.

And always I had my little guy with me.  Or a complete obvious token of him.  Sometimes the hubs was along too.

It really doesn’t matter.  The one consistency in all visions of how it would go down included this:  I was the cool one.

It’s a long, stupid story, but after our five-year relationship ended, he acted like a child.  Avoiding the hubs and I at all costs regardless of our long history and deep mutual friendships.

He was the immature one and it was bothersome, but not important.

The hubby and I?  Moved on with our life in big ways.  We have a wonderful, loving family.  He?  was a child.

In fact, the hubs has run into him.  Quite a few times.  Even with the wee one.  And really?  I loved that.  I loved that he saw my wonderfully cute and happy son.  I loved that he could see the joy in my life.

Seeing him while walking across a snowy, wet parking lot to my salt-covered car after an unsuccessful trip to Old Navy was not in any of my visions.

I was just thinking about what a dud of a trip out it had been and how the boy would be up from nap when I got home.

I was wearing the last jeans in the pile because tomorrow is laundry day.  You know…the ones that are two thigh rubs away from having holes?  Yeah.  Those.

I had an entirely too huge hoodie, a dingy winter jacket, and my hair was piled up in a ratty buy with one of those stretchy headband things around my head to keep the wispys out of my eyes.

The only thing I had going for me was that I had decided to shower before this jaunt out of the house.

I don’t even know if he saw me.

He was marching across that lot with his new wife and a kid (his? a stepson?) toward a car parked RIGHT. NEXT. TO. MINE.

And I was too far into the parking lot to be going anywhere except my car.

But they were parked next to my driver’s side.

And we were going to arrive at our cars at the same time.

And I would have had to make some sort of social contact since I would have had to wait for his wife.  He would have FOR SURE noticed who I was then.

So I hid.

Yup, I opened the passenger side door, ducked down and pretended to rummage through something on the floor until I heard his car start.

Then I grabbed my sunglasses, kept my head down, and walked around to my side.

By that time?  They were gone.

I have no idea what his wife looks like.

I don’t know what kind of car it was.

All of this?  Took place in about a minute and a half.

Very quick and then done.

But I sat in my car shaking for about five minutes before turning the car on and going home.

I hid.

Not how I thought I would ever act.

I hid.

Like a child.

About ksluiter

Just a small town girl...wait no, that is a Journey song. Although I do live in a small town. I am a wife, a mother, a teacher, and a writer. We have joys and we have struggles. Just like you.
This entry was posted in being an adult is really not that great, how i met your father, me, nonfiction, out of my control, things that make me go barf, what the hell am i doing. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to acting like children

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention acting like children | --

  2. Girl I don’t blame ya! Sometimes as much as we want to see those people face to face and we know how we want to act, how we actually react is always different. You weren’t a child- you were caught off guard. Next time you’ll show him!

  3. I barley go shopping when I come home to MI, for reasons like this.

  4. Alena says:

    I am so relieved that we don’t live in the same town as my exs (or his b/c I imagine the stress of a run in with his ex would be more stressful for me lol).

  5. Jenn says:

    I would have totally hidden.
    I broke off an engagement a couple of months before I met hubs, and we ended it somewhat nicely (kinder to each other broken up than together), but I hadn’t seen him in years.
    Until I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT with my THIRD child after chasing my other two around an indoor playground. I was huge, winded, still-wet-from-the-shower hair pulled up in a knot on my head, and ordering a ton of food at Chick-fil-a for my crew and my friend’s crew. It looked like it was all for me, as I was standing alone in the line and big enough to eat that much by myself. He? Was perfectly polished and talking about going back to school or going overseas…he just couldn’t decide…poor him. But you know what? It was poor him. He lives alone. He has no wonderful family. He has no support system and no grubby little faces waiting in the booth for their nuggets. So I was not looking my best, but chances are that I was looking my happiest.
    At least, that’s what I tell myself.

  6. Trisha says:

    You should just face it head on and make your ex and his new wife your friends…. some think it is a crazy move but, that’s what I did and it’s working out great!!! Haha! 😉

  7. Shanon says:

    You HID?? Seriously?? Haha . . .

    ummm, me too. Unless, maybe–> “Great hair, a nice skirt and sweater, cute boots. I would have my cute purse on my arm and my phone in my hand. And I would be about 40 pounds lighter”

    Love your ‘short bursts’. And you make me smile. A lot. Keep writing!!

  8. Ameena says:

    I’ve done similar things myself so don’t be so hard on yourself!

    Sometimes, when I’m too lazy to put on my contacts and I run to the store for something with my glasses on, I will deliberately go out of my way to avoid someone just because I feel hideously ugly/nerdy.

    I know where you are coming from!

  9. kris says:

    I ran into an old boyfriend at the airport one time.

    Very strange, years after we had broken up. Or rather, years after I had broken up with him and caused him great pain as he had no idea who I was because I sort of neglected to mention anything real or deep about myself during our two years together because I was all caught up in being another version of myself and so when I decided I needed to actually be the person who I was and that person did not want to live with this man and live this life? Well, let’s just say I caught him off guard.


    I was terrified when I saw him because I flashed back to all of the pain.

    But it had been years.

    And he moved forward to shake my hand and say hello. We exchanged pleasantries. Small sketches of our lives since our last meeting.

    It was actually quite freeing.

    I hope for him as well as for me.

    Don’t hide, babe.

    Hiding gives the emotions that prompted the hiding?

    Too much power.

    That said?

    The image of you hiding is HILARIOUS!

    So there is that.

  10. Carri says:

    I’ve done the SAME THING!!! Of course, him being totally nuts was one of the reasons… but still. I could have been wearing something nicer.

  11. i would totally have done the same thing. I don’t blame you at all.

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