Surrender

This piece is Part 2 to this piece. It will make more sense if you read Part 1 first.  Go ahead.  We can wait.

Welcome back.  Here is that conversation that was finally had:

I was both terrified and excited about having this conversation.

It needed to happen because what he had said just days before was still just hanging out there.  In fact, we had only communicating cordially through email since then.

A real life, face-to-face needed to happen.

He was coming over and I had promised myself that I would be sober.  Not because it would have mattered to him if I had had a few beers, but because I really wanted him to trust that this was serious to me.  This conversation was important.

“So.”

“Yup.”

I sucked in and just went for it, “so you were serious when you said you were falling for me?”

He looked me straight in the eyes.  This friend of mine stared at me with his hazel eyes. “You got it.”

“So do you expect me to be for it or….I mean…do we just…do this?  Do we become more than friends?  I don’t know if I can do that. Is that what you want?  This is so confusing.”

“I know,” he replied.

“Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  ‘I know’?  I need some input here.  Now that that is out there,  nothing will ever be the same.  Our million year friendship can’t be the same no matter what happens next.”

He just nodded.

“well?” I was getting impatient.  I was always getting impatient.

“well, you’re right.  but I already told you…you know…what I told you.  So I guess it’s really your choice.”

“NO!  this can’t all be put on me.  this is NOT just my choice.  You are in this too.  What do you want to happen from that statement?” I stared at him incredulously with my mouth agape.

“I guess it’s not a good idea.”

Ok good.  He was going to be all reasonable.

“No.  it’s not.  We are friends.  Best friends.  If anything happens?  We are DONE.  Look what happened to me and Lance.” I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms.

“You’re right.  It’s a bad idea,” he said nodding and also sitting back on the love seat.

“Ok.”

“Right.”

We sat and looked at each other for the longest minute in our lives together.

The cat stretched and walked slowly off my lap and I leaned forward again with a huge, telling sigh.

“But then why do I not FEEL like it’s a bad idea?  You know, in my heart?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t feel like it’s bad either. That’s why I told you in the first place.”

My palms went up to my face and I rubbed the heels of my hands in my eye sockets.

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About ksluiter

Just a small town girl...wait no, that is a Journey song. Although I do live in a small town. I am a wife, a mother, a teacher, and a writer. We have joys and we have struggles. Just like you.
This entry was posted in beach love, changes, doing something new, giving in to fate, how i met your father, life changes, life decision, nonfiction, Red Dress Club, together. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Surrender

  1. Ok. I went back and read the first piece. Then read this piece.
    Very good!
    Now.
    Where do I find the next piece?

  2. Carrie says:

    Okay…so WHAT HAPPENED??? I’m guessing, judging from the tags you used, that the hook up happened and it went well 🙂

  3. Oh, reading this, I wanted to take my palms and rub them into my own eye sockets. I had this moment. I married this man.

  4. Sigh. The best of all loves start as friends, don’t they?

  5. Ratz says:

    Argh!! I don’t know how love creeps in between the best of friends… I experienced this in my life… it didn’t end well and so i lost a good friend.

  6. Poignant. I never knew this love. But I do now.

  7. Nichole says:

    Swoon.
    I love beginnings.
    Lovely, Katie.

  8. CDG says:

    “how I met your father”

    sneaky tags are my favorite!

    and you said you didn’t have anything for this one!

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